We Didn’t Like Transformers


Last night Darin dragged us to see Transformers: Age of Extinction. While obviously not expecting a deep, mind-blowing opus, we were still pretty sorely disappointed. The spectacle of giant, sentient robots fighting a war on continuity just didn’t cut it for us this time. I walked out feeling numb, exhausted, and confused. In light of that, I’m here to share some of out thoughts.

Since you can read any number of the glowing reviews out there, I’ll save you an in-depth dissection of the film. Instead, I leave you with my list of questions I left the theater with:

*Spoilers Ahead*

Why did the bounty hunter, Lockdown, bother to enlist the help of humans to track down the Autobots?

What are the “knights”?

Who are the other members of the “knights”?

Why are the dinobots supposed to recognize the authority of the “knights”?

What time of day is it when Optimus is discovered in the barn?

Why was Drift first a helicopter, and then later a Bugatti?

How did Attinger make it to the final battle between Optimus and Lockdown?

Why was there dagger/gun sized perfectly for humans on the alien spaceship?

How did PSI learn about the Seed, (or come in contact with Lockdown, for that matter)?

Where the hell are the dinobots going to go now?

Since when does Optimus have rocket boots that can propel him into space? Why didn’t he ever use that incredible asset before?

Why would you make a movie for toy product placement geared towards children with a THREE HOUR run time?

We had additional questions last night, but sleeping on it gloriously allowed me to forget some of them. At least the dinobots looked pretty cool. So, there’s that.

Long story short: You might want to skip this one.



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Filed under Author: Jack

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